Thursday, July 25, 2013

This is our little bean at 6 weeks :) Our first photoshoot! What a day this was...

No one knew we were "pregnant", and I wasn't even convinced. The whole time in my mind I was thinking, oh here we go again.
I found out I was pregnant on March 21. I had decided that I was going to do a sweet surprise for Colby the next time I found out I was pregnant..but nope, didn't go as planned. I was so shocked, scared, passing out that I just walked into the bedroom where he was getting dressed to go eat for Jonathan's birthday dinner and stood there like an idiot with it in my hand--- He said it's positive isn't it? And all I said was yep!

That wasn't the first thing on my "What I'm gonna do when I'm pregnant" list that didn't go as planned. This whole first trimester has been a doozy.

First of all-- These Heparin shots..heparin shots....As soon as I called Dr Isaacs office with a positive HPT, Catherine told me she would go ahead and call in my medicine, which consisted of: Heparin injections 2 times daily, Folgard tablet 2 times daily, Aspirin 1 time daily, progesterone until 12 weeks, prenatal vitamins. She said are you sure you can give the shot to yourself? I'm like "oh yeah! I'm a nurse! I got this!"
Well..i did NOT have this....I opened the bag and completely melted down. Long story short-- after about 20 minutes, 3 pieces of ice to numb my stomach, a very frustrated husband, and 4 dogs in the kitchen as our cheerleaders- Colby was finally able to convince me to let him give me the shot. It wasn't so bad, but very scary. 
I will do them every day until she's here- now I can do them going down the road while driving. It's amazing the things you get used to. 

Around week 7,  I quickly learned the phrase "morning sickness" was a joke. I had all day sickness. I threw up from the time I woke up, until the time I went to bed. I  lost 15 lbs . I lived on grapes, coke, canned peaches, and crackers until about week 13.

                                                                  Colby snuck this picture one morning before work, my little man took care of his momma when she was sick :) 




We found out she was a "Paisley Jane" @ 15 weeks :)
 She was very uncooperative during the scan, it took about 30 minutes to get her still enough to see. It was a big shocker, Colby and I were both convinced she was a little boy...Sorry, sweetie!
The rest of the pregnancy so far, has been relatively uneventful. She's growing like she should, and wiggling pretty much 24:7. 

Colby and I close on our new house in Decatur on July 29th!! Whoo hooo!!! 

Please continue to keep Me, Colby, and Paisley in your prayers during the remainder of my pregnancy! We are in awe of the blessings we've been given.... 6 months ago, I would have never believed I'd feel miss priss moving around in there :) The Lord has blessed us so much.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

And then there were THREE!!!!

We are so BLESSED to finally announce that our sweet miracle is due to make his/her arrival December 03, 2013!!

Please keep all THREE of us in your prayers during this amazing adventure :)

Longer post a little later!

Monday, April 1, 2013

It's been so long since my last update, we've had several things going on lately and I have neglected my poor little blog!

I was accepted into a Family Nurse Practitioner program @ Frontier Nursing University in Kentucky. Wahoo! We have our house on the market for sale, trying to have baby Amis, and Colby working a lot to get moved back to dayshift (which is happening April 14th) all have caused me to neglect my blog!

No news  since my last post, besides that fact that Mr Clomid is a mean, mean, MEAN man. I had fully prepared my family, my job, all of man-kind for the "terrible mood swings, and temper tantrums" I was warned I would have once taking clomid but I didn't have any of these things. The only thing I had was a headache that lasted a week. It sucked, but I figured that was better than being in jail.
February- Not successful for the operation! So we will try again in March!

Another side  side effect of infertility  and the treatments is weight gain. All my girls who are going through this know what I'm talking about. You will eat a stack of pens if you get hungry enough, but on other days you don't want anything. And just a little "funny" about this situation-- Also the progesterone has obviously given me a "Kim K booty" according to the lovely gentleman at the gym recently  who informed me " I hope you aint tryin' to get rid of that booty, guh. You look like a mini Kim K" All I could do is look back and say " Yep, it's pretty big". This is one aspect of infertility I didnt know about, the body changes. Your body changes in ways you couldn't imagine, BUT it will all be worth it in the end :) I recently started back on this progesterone, so I may be wearing myself a tankini to the beach i don't think I can rock the Kim K booty like she does!

No new news for now.... Will update soon :)

Monday, January 28, 2013

back on the roller coaster ride

So,  it's still the long awaited January...and NO we are not pregnant. After my last "blog melt down" as I call it, I decided I needed to get a 2nd opinion

 I absolutely LOVE Dr H and his whole staff. my 2nd opinion was about me being a borderline lunatic.  The day I wrote that blog, the only word to describe me was ANGRY. VERY ANGRY. There had been days before, and days since that I've been that angry. But on that particular day, I decided on the decision that I wanted to go see Dr. I.
 I did this not because I wanted Dr I .  to tell me something different, or to tell me that he could "fix me", because I know that is not true. I did it because I want to know 100% that I did absolutely everything I could do to have our baby. I also have very pushy friends (love yall) and family members that knew I was on the brink of insanity and insisted that I go.
So I called, and  my  appointment was on January 17th!

It was an AWESOME visit.

The  appointment started with a short, but depressing wait in the waiting room. A lot of hushed voices and sad faces sat in the waiting room with me. We all look at each other, and all of us are thinking " I wonder what's wrong with her".. " I wonder if she's pregnant"...."I wish I could ask her what's wrong"
Of course, we don't say a word to each other, we all just pretend we are reading magazines.

I took my Mom with me to this appointment, because Colby had to work. My mother, in her nervous state, read a magazine outloud, pointing to people and laughing. "Paige, what the world is wrong with them?" OUTLOUD. So I'm sure those people had 30 minutes of entertainment.

His sweet nurse made me weigh with my boots on, so all of  my self-esteem for the week was shattered, but besides that I absolutely loved her!
We were placed in a conference type room, with my mother now out of her talkative phase, she has entered her quiet phase.
She sat in the chair, basically pressing her face up against the window, sighing so loud that I thought "well, here comes my nervous breakdown I've been waiting on"
I warned her that these doctor visits are not good, and she would hear me answer questions in a way that I may not have told her details about, and that may not be good. I know it was really hard for her to come with me, but she knows I really needed her to be there. So waiting room entertainment and all, I really appreciate that she was there.  She only used 1 box of tissues, so I count  that as success.

Dr I comes into the room, introduces himself to me and Deb and says " So, Paige, what brings you to see me? " The question startled me and all I could get out, "I need you to help me get pregnant, or I need you to tell me I cannot- so I can stop trying."

His answer: "Fair enough"

We went through all my history pretty quickly.....and the vote is I still have a very good chance of having a baby. I was given 2 new medications this time... I really may need to get a pill divider... I have 3 months to try this plan, and at the end of 3 months- we re-group and try something different. For people who are in the process of doing all of this, I know that all information helps...I was given Clomid and Folgard. Everyone knows what Clomid is, and if I have anything more than twins- I hope Deb and Cheryl have worked long enough for retirement.
Folgard is a "sooped" up vitamin that is typically given to patients with MTHFR. It helps your body metabolize Folic Acid.

So February marks the month of "officially" trying again....and unlike my post last time, now I am excited too! A little scared, but excited.  I'm not sure where this new attitude I have came from. I've questioned the possibility that I really may have gone crazy and I just don't realize it yet. Kinda like the movies. But, I know  it' s due to my awesome God, wonderful husband, great family, and loving friends.

And by the way, if you ever happen to see me in the waiting can ask me, and  talk  to me about anything. As you know, I'm an open book about this infertility junk.

"Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose." -Tom Krause

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Days like today

So, it's January.

The anxiously awaited January. In everyone's mind the  " yay! month", the "baby month", the " are you pregnant month?", the "excited month" In everyones mind, but mine.

Don't get me wrong at all here, I am beyond blessed with wonderful families and friends that are behind the "operation" 100%...but sometimes, I still want to crawl into my closet with a bottle of cheap moscato, a "real" coke,  McDonald's fries, and a pinterest that is free of all things pregnancy and baby and stay there for at least 3 days.
 On days like today, when infertility is super hard, I believe in my blog more than ever. Not all girls struggling with infertility are blessed with the family/friends that I have.  I have friends that don't beat around the bush, they will ask me "Paige, what's happening this month with your baby stuff ?" I tell them and I get an " oh okay" and let's move on. My friends know that i'm the type of person that doesn't want to have pity, and I love them for that. I also have a mom that I can call on days like today.  The words that come out of my mouth, and just the things I say will make a stripper blush. But all she says is,  " don't worry, we will get our baby. one way or another". And then I'm calm.
So what I'm saying is, I want this blog to be like the many blogs that I've sat in bed at 2 am and read when I was quiet about my infertility and felt so alone. The women that wrote those have helped me more than they know, and I hope mine will do the same for ladies who either have no one to vent to, or are not ready to be open yet.

Anyway- what is the reason for the blog update? Usually I have " Dr H news", but nope none of that right now. I'm enjoying the short vacation from his office, actually. I'm still taking enough pills at night that I need a "grown up" pill divider (which I refuse to get), and I'm still having mood swings that would scare Carrie, as in the prom queen.

I woke up this afternoon (long night) and thought "ok, this is the month. Time to start counting days and lots of lab work, and probably more visits with my friend  " the microphone". And instead of feeling excitement,  I felt a terrible feeling of sadness and dread.

This is not fair, I'm 26 years old. I love God. I go to work everyday. I volunteer. I donate to charities. I am nice to the babies at work when they are kicking me with the left foot, while a handful of my hair is in their little right hand and it takes everything short of the jaws of life to remove it. I love animals. I would be a good mama, and my husband would be a good daddy. Things like this aren't supposed to happen to people like us.
I was supposed to get pregnant first try, make the big announcement at 5 weeks, be oblivious to everything that could possibly go wrong, complain about being fat at 9 months, and then deliver a beautiful, heathy baby. That's how it happens right?? WRONG!!!!!

For many people, it DOES actually happen this way- but there are many of us who will never know what this feels like.  We will be scared from the moment we see the positive sign until the pediatrician at the 2 week check up tells us " you have a wonderful, healthy child!".  We won't be excited to go to the first few check-ups, we will be terrified and praying to ourselves " Please, God, let there be heartbeat."

I DO realize that I don't sound like my normal upbeat, positive self right now and YES I do realize that there are people who are dealing with issues in life FAR more disheartening than infertility and that really, I just need to shut up , but like I said in a previous post- Infertility is a grieving process.  Anger is a stage in the grieving process--- So ladies, I know you all feel this way from time to time-- and I want you to know that if you want to eat a tub of butter and lay in the bathtub for an hour instead of going for a run-- damnit, you go ahead and do it.

On the flip side-- It's important for us to remember that God is ultimately in control. He knows if we will have children. Whether they are biological, adopted, or none at all. He has already decided, and the plan is already made. So what is there to worry about? My faith is the only thing that has kept me somewhat sane throughout this whole process. God is on your team more than anyone else in this battle. He knows that we are mad, sad, doubtful, scared, etc... and he also knows that sometimes we wonder why he is allowing us to feel this way? For whatever reason, he does HAVE a reason for this. The same reason that he allows any type of suffering for anyone, regardless of what that suffering may be. 
So after you eat the tub of butter (which in my case is whipped cream) and you lay in the bathtub.  count your blessings and just remember that.

I found these articles/blogs/websites  about infertility that I really enjoyed reading, and I hope you do to! More to come soon :)... Paige.

PS- We have a new computer and keyboard, which I've almost thrown out of the window several times during this update- so excuse any typos. :)

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4: 6-7


Saturday, December 1, 2012

Let's get this party started

Since my last post, we've had quite a few updates :)

I left off last at the glorious abnormal genetics screen.... and the results are in!!!

  Last week we found out I was a carrier of Bardet-Biedl syndrome and I am also compound heterozygous MTHFR deficient. I had absolutely no idea what either of these things were, so naturally in my "control freak" nature I had to do as much research as I could so when I talked to Dr. H  I would ask the right questions. This "I-think-I'm-a-Doctor" research has it's pros and cons---- PROs are I met alot of awesome people online that have the same as I do (regarding the MTHFR) and I learned a lot of valuable information. CONs are the information you find out that you REALLY don't want to know...the scary stuff.
Anywho--Here is what these diagnoses mean.

BB syndrome is a genetic disorder. It causes vision problems, terrible kidney abnormalities, genital abnormalities, extra little fingers and toes, etc... There is no cure for this syndrome. Upon reading all of the information  to say I hyperventilated is an understatement.  I would never intentionally want to pass this along to my child. It is a lifelong illness, and sometimes the life expectancy is not good.  And let's go ahead and get what I said straight---- I said INTENTIONALLY pass on to my child. This is one of the things that I have struggled with the most. I could only hope and pray Colby was not a carrier of this genetic disorder too. If he was, this would alter our "operation" drastically.

MTHFR is also a genetic disorder in which I do not create folic acid like I should. Studies show that it can  cause "recurrent early pregnancy loss". I know most about this disorder from the awesome people I've met online in groups and also friends of mine that have this deficiency. I'll get to more about this one later.

So jump to this week....Colby and I had an appt this morning before the rooster crowed to meet with Dr H about all of these results, and to actually get the report from Colby's lab results. We sat down in his office and he pulled our chairs directly in front of the HUGE flat screen TV he uses a computer monitor (oh the life of a reproductive endocrinologist)  so we could "make sure we could see everything clearly"-- immediately I was like "oh we go.more bad news"
The only thing I was looking for was the BB syndrome and PRAISE THE LORD Colby is not a carrier...Dr H could tell I was still very concerned and he made sure to tell me "it's okay, you will not give this to your child". After that point- the appointment was much better.

We found out that Colby is also compound heterozygous MTHFR deficient..but that it really means nothing because he's the boy. What are the odds right? Leave it to me and Colby!

So now we need to decide what to do about about my MTHFR--- Dr H explains to me that I need to take extra folic acid along with my prenatal vitamins because MTHFR is known to cause neural tube defects (spinda bifada)- and that I also need to begin taking a baby aspirin everyday because MTHFR causes blood clots, which is the reason for recurrent pregnancy loss.

In all my " I think I'm a Dr" research, and talking to my friends with this same problem-- I've also read that Heparin injections  can help with MTHFR. Dr H tells me that this will strictly be my decision-- that there aren't enough research studies to show if it's worth it, and that he wants me to make an informed decision.
I decided I wanted to do the Heparin. I explained to Dr H that I wanted to do everything possible to better enable me to carry a baby--- that way if the decision for Plan B is ever here, I can make it knowing that I did everything I could to carry a child of our own. he told me he understood and the next time we are pregnant I will start the Heparin shots. They will be twice a day and I will take them throughout the whole pregnancy.

So now the "Operation Baby Amis" will begin again. To be honest, I am absolutely terrified and Colby is absolutely excited. I never dreamed that pregnancy would be a scary thing for me. The emotional part of these last 2 years has been worse than the physical part (besides that sonohystogram that could pass for a torture device) has ever thought about being. That's where this blog comes in to play....Infertility is a life changing event. You feel scared, sad, anxious, confused, psycho, and you also mourn. The mourning part is the hardest part...because you aren't sure what you are mourning for, but it's a mourn like you've lost someone. Hopefully, that part of the journey will be over, but I know that it may not be the case- and the journey may just be really getting started. But.. in the meantime, just please pray for us and our baby-- whether that baby comes from my tummy or from another part of the world--- and please pray for my dear friends who are also going through this same thing.
Thanks for reading..updates to come soon :)

On a much brighter note...On November 15th, after one of the longest days EVER, Colby and I have a NIECE... Miss Hallie Lauren Mixon

I may be a little biased, but you know this is one of the sweetest faces you have ever seen :)

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Excuse me...What exactly are we doing?

This week has been a stressful one. We've taken a break from "the operation" since I had the D&C due to the partial molar pregnancy and I was put on my 6 month probation period. Our 6 months were up in August, but we still weren't quite ready. Honestly- the only reason we went to the doctor to begin with is due to my birth control pills making me the equivilent  to a  female Michael Myers, which isn't good for anyone 
So at our appointment with Dr H for this BC issue  We  discussed  our journey to baby. As I mentioned in about me, all tests performed on me have been negative and I am clear from the molar pregnancy. Dr H now suggests lab testing on Colby- Which will be a karyotype screen. He suggests for me to have a sonohysterogram and a genetic lab screen. The genetic lab testing does not PREVENT us from getting pregnant, but it will show if we are both carriers of a genetic disorder that we may not want to pass on. Colby will not need this test done unless something on my genetic screen comes up positive. Dr H continues to reassure us that " we will have a baby." I am given a box of progesterone, instructions on how to figure out when I ovulate, and the blessing to begin "the operation" once again and we are sent on our way. The only draw back is-- If something on my genetic screen is abnormal.
If we have one more pregnancy loss-- Dr H recommends IVF at this point, which I have no grasped my head around yet- and this is what I'm struggling the most with. So right now, the prayer is that this will not need to be an option.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE......... abnormal genetic screen!!!!! WHOOO HOOO, who knew :) Nothing "weird" ever happens to me right? Did we forget about the rare PMP?
I am a carrier of a genetic disorder that is irrelevant unless Colby is a carrier as well, so we won't go there. It also showed I have an "MTHFR deficiency"- Which I do not know much about- I'm still researching, and from what I can find it seems to have a correlation with miscarriage so that's a plus right!!?? I'm not sure--- Update to follow.

Friday was sonohysterogram day. To say I was a nervous wreck about this procedure all week is a serious understatement. For those of you who don't know what a sonohysterogram is the following link will help you out:
          › IVF, PGD and Infertility News and Information

Now that we are all up to speed...Can you say OUCH? I said worse words than ouch.But, on the positive side- I have a wonderful doctor that was very understanding and nice throughout the whole procedure and I also have an AMAZING  husband who was there with me the whole time.  I spent alot of time with my mom and the heating pad on Friday night, but I was better on Saturday.
To get to the gist of this story- I have a normal uterus, so that is not the problem. Now we are just waiting on Colby karyotype and he will go draw his genetic screen on Monday.

We  need prayers that he is NOT a carrier of anything that I am a carrier of, this will change our story drastically. 

On a side note- on my trip to Wendy's today, I was asked if I wanted to donate 1.00 to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. I immediately said yes, and smiled. I've done this my whole life, if anyone asks me to donate to anything I will---but today, it felt personal.

Hopefully, we will know more next week. Please keep us in your prayers- specifically for frustration, confusion, pain, and I hate to say but the anger. Update to come soon! Thanks for reading!!!