back on the roller coaster ride

So,  it's still the long awaited January...and NO we are not pregnant. After my last "blog melt down" as I call it, I decided I needed to get a 2nd opinion

 I absolutely LOVE Dr H and his whole staff. my 2nd opinion was about me being a borderline lunatic.  The day I wrote that blog, the only word to describe me was ANGRY. VERY ANGRY. There had been days before, and days since that I've been that angry. But on that particular day, I decided on the decision that I wanted to go see Dr. I.
 I did this not because I wanted Dr I .  to tell me something different, or to tell me that he could "fix me", because I know that is not true. I did it because I want to know 100% that I did absolutely everything I could do to have our baby. I also have very pushy friends (love yall) and family members that knew I was on the brink of insanity and insisted that I go.
So I called, and  my  appointment was on January 17th!

It was an AWESOME visit.


The  appointment started with a short, but depressing wait in the waiting room. A lot of hushed voices and sad faces sat in the waiting room with me. We all look at each other, and all of us are thinking " I wonder what's wrong with her".. " I wonder if she's pregnant"...."I wish I could ask her what's wrong"
Of course, we don't say a word to each other, we all just pretend we are reading magazines.

I took my Mom with me to this appointment, because Colby had to work. My mother, in her nervous state, read a magazine outloud, pointing to people and laughing. "Paige, what the world is wrong with them?" OUTLOUD. So I'm sure those people had 30 minutes of entertainment.

His sweet nurse made me weigh with my boots on, so all of  my self-esteem for the week was shattered, but besides that I absolutely loved her!
We were placed in a conference type room, with my mother now out of her talkative phase, she has entered her quiet phase.
She sat in the chair, basically pressing her face up against the window, sighing so loud that I thought "well, here comes my nervous breakdown I've been waiting on"
I warned her that these doctor visits are not good, and she would hear me answer questions in a way that I may not have told her details about, and that may not be good. I know it was really hard for her to come with me, but she knows I really needed her to be there. So waiting room entertainment and all, I really appreciate that she was there.  She only used 1 box of tissues, so I count  that as success.

Dr I comes into the room, introduces himself to me and Deb and says " So, Paige, what brings you to see me? " The question startled me and all I could get out, "I need you to help me get pregnant, or I need you to tell me I cannot- so I can stop trying."

His answer: "Fair enough"

We went through all my history pretty quickly.....and the vote is I still have a very good chance of having a baby. I was given 2 new medications this time... I really may need to get a pill divider... I have 3 months to try this plan, and at the end of 3 months- we re-group and try something different. For people who are in the process of doing all of this, I know that all information helps...I was given Clomid and Folgard. Everyone knows what Clomid is, and if I have anything more than twins- I hope Deb and Cheryl have worked long enough for retirement.
Folgard is a "sooped" up vitamin that is typically given to patients with MTHFR. It helps your body metabolize Folic Acid.

So February marks the month of "officially" trying again....and unlike my post last time, now I am excited too! A little scared, but excited.  I'm not sure where this new attitude I have came from. I've questioned the possibility that I really may have gone crazy and I just don't realize it yet. Kinda like the movies. But, I know  it' s due to my awesome God, wonderful husband, great family, and loving friends.

And by the way, if you ever happen to see me in the waiting room...you can ask me, and  talk  to me about anything. As you know, I'm an open book about this infertility junk.


"Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose." -Tom Krause